sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
