I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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