pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
