Sponge bath it is.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
