you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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