it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
