I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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