Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
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I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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