my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
