i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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