Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
