Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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