Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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