Please, let me fuck your mom
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm really busy with my period
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