just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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