I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
