Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My feet surprised me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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