I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
