omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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