If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
