Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
