Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
