he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
They took my balls.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
