He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
