my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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