I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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