I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
