Cold hands, warm shart.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Non-Jews are for practice
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
