You're my little dorito
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
