but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
