Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
