I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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