i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
