shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
