I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
