no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I would ride that face into the sunset
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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