Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this like a preordered booty call?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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