I accidentally had phone sex last night
this just has baby written all over it
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize