i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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