Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
