I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
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You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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