matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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