i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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