I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
