Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
