Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
