Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
