I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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