I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
