mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
