my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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