home. puking in laundry basket.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
