i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
