I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
