As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
