i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
