We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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