You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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