hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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