I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
