i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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